4 Ways We Self-Sabotage Our Confidence, and What to Do About It

We’ve all felt unconfident at work at one point or another, and this could be for many reasons. Maybe we felt our skills didn’t match the skills of those around us, perhaps we felt out of our depth. We might be new to a company, unfamiliar with how things work but eager to succeed, or we might be too hard on ourselves sometimes!

People often resign themselves to being unconfident — “I’m just not a confident person” is something we can tell ourselves to make us feel better about not achieving a goal. But, confidence can be improved and nurtured. Confidence is not a personality trait, but a skill — it is an assessment of a situation that sparks motivation within us. When we’re motivated, we are more likely to put in the time, effort, and resources needed to pursue our goals, and feel more confident about achieving those goals. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome — we assess the likelihood of failure to be low. However, when we lack confidence it becomes easy to give up or not get started at all.

Most of the barriers that hold us back from being confident in ourselves are self-inflicted and can be helped with a little self-awareness. So, what traps do we easily fall into that undermine our confidence?

Self-defeating behaviours

Have you ever convinced yourself you will fail at something before you’ve even begun? You might’ve decided that the job is out of your league, so you didn’t apply. Perhaps you made a mistake on a previous project so you declined a future project, even though it would’ve been a great opportunity. If you think that you can’t, then you don’t. If you let the fear of failure prevent you from achieving a goal or taking up a challenge, then you’ve already failed by default. It’s one thing to be realistic, but it’s another to be a loser before you even start. Try to identify your strengths and capitalise on them, and identify your weaknesses and improve on them.

Setting goals that are too big

If you set goals that are too large or too long-term, the gap between now and the achievement of the goal becomes daunting and demotivating, reducing your confidence. Big goals might initially seem motivating and ambitious, but breaking them down into smaller goals will be better for your confidence. You’ll be able to celebrate small wins along the way, stay motivated, and still progress to your main goal.

Tackling things solo

It can be a mistake to think you can do everything by yourself. Without a support network, you can begin to feel isolated and demotivated very quickly. Cultivating a positive support network boosts everyone’s self-esteem and happiness, increasing confidence. Think about how you can build the confidence of others to create a culture in which everyone is more likely to succeed, such as by celebrating each other’s strengths and progress or sharing knowledge.

Failing to anticipate complications

Confidence is not just blind optimism — you must be realistic without being pessimistic, and also try not to be over-confident. Confidence involves acknowledging that there will be mistakes and barriers in any task and factoring these into your plan. Try to look at what could go wrong and think about alternatives so you feel prepared for whatever might happen. Create a game plan.

Confidence doesn’t always come naturally to us — we have to put in work to feel and be confident in ourselves. We must try to continuously build and nurture our confidence so we can engage in new challenges, get out of our comfort zones, form new relationships, achieve new goals, and progress towards bigger goals. And, while it seems cheesy, positive affirmations so work — tell yourself you believe in yourself, tell yourself that you can do it. Find your favourite motivational quotes and manifest them!