How to Leave the Ego Behind When Building Self-Confidence
A common misconception is that self-confidence and ego are the same, that you can’t have one without the other. However, they are two quite different concepts with vastly different outcomes on performance and growth.
Confidence is having faith in your abilities, believing in yourself and knowing that you contribute value with your skills. Ego is concerned with self-interest only and seeks validation in its quest to always appear “right”.
I’ve previously written about ways we self-sabotage our confidence and how to cultivate confidence. If you want to build your confidence, it can be easy to let your ego flourish instead. However, if you allow your ego to take over at work, bad behaviour soon follows.
Large egos mean that teamwork and collaboration go out the window as you begin to think that you’re the only one truly capable of doing the work — you might be familiar with Napoleon Bonaparte’s well-known quote, “If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.” This kind of mentality reinforces the egotistical belief that we are the sole architects of our success. When we believe things like this we become ruder, more selfish, and it prevents us from learning from our mistakes and growing with others. An egotistical mindset makes us susceptible to manipulation as we become more predictable to others — it’s easy to know that people with big egos want attention and to be seen as great. We start to see the world through one lens and fall prey to confirmation bias as we only listen to what we want to hear. Ego narrows the mind and stagnates growth at an individual and team level.
So, how do you build your self-confidence without letting ego creep up on you and steer you in a destructive direction? It’s all about having the right mindset. To combat ego, you need to have a growth mindset, be able to admit when you’re wrong, accept failure, collaborate with others (and allow them to collaborate with you), learn and take advice from others, see the flaws in your logic, and know that nothing is beneath you.
Below are six easy dos and don’ts of how to build self-confidence and leave the ego behind.
Six dos and don’ts of building self-confidence without ego
Do
Learn to live with failure and see it as a learning experience. Things don’t always go to plan and we always have things to learn — focus on what you can gain from failure instead of what you lose.
Don’t
Become overwhelmed with the desire to be right all the time or shift blame when things go wrong.
Do
Embrace new opportunities and get comfortable with the fact that you’re not always going to agree with people. Be ok with change and the unknown — it’s not a threat. Changes and different perspectives help you grow, too.
Don’t
Become defensive and close yourself off to other people’s perspectives, ideas, or skills. Volunteer for unpopular tasks or tasks that scare you.
Do
Be honest with yourself, about what you know, and what you still need to learn. Stay focused on what’s good for the team and what you need to do to achieve your goals collectively. Pay attention and give credit to the effort that others put in, don’t just focus on your own efforts.
Don’t
Make it all about you. Curb your need for appreciation and credit.
Do
Offer your expertise and think about what you can do to help or improve others’ decisions or actions. How can you contribute and mitigate the risks you’ve identified?
Don’t
Judge the actions or decisions of others.
Do
Give your time and talent generously without judgment.
Don’t
Withhold or become possessive of information that could be helpful for someone to develop.
Do
Focus on the unique value that you contribute.
Don’t
Focus excessively on whether you will be right or wrong.
Lastly, don’t hesitate to ask for help and don’t worry about being perfect — self-confidence will get you ahead, but the ego will hold you back.
