How to Make Saying “No” Easier

Saying yes to opportunities is a great way for us to grow and work towards achieving our goals. But, saying yes to everything and not being able to say no can have damaging consequences. When we can’t say no, we run the risk of stretching ourselves too thin and spending our limited time and energy on other people’s priorities, while our priorities get bumped down the list. Committing to too many things makes us more stressed, anxious, and exhausted, and takes us away from people and things we truly want to be involved with.

But, saying no is not as simple as it sounds and can be difficult for many people. The Fear of Missing Out — more commonly referred to as FOMO — is one of the many reasons that we say yes to things when we want to say no. Other reasons include not wanting to disappoint someone, wanting to be seen as a reliable team player, wanting others to like us, or being afraid that others will see us as selfish or unobliging.

So, how can we get better at saying no? Like any other skill, being able to say no is a muscle that must be trained. When you receive an invitation, request, or opportunity, the most important things to do are to thoroughly assess the request, remain polite but firm, and be comfortable with FOMO.

Assess the request

If you already know that you’re working at your maximum capacity, it might be tempting to immediately reject any new request or invitation that comes your way. However, it is important to take the time to consider each request before giving your response. First, weigh the costs of the request. Costs aren’t just your time and effort but include the total commitment. Is there planning and prep work to do? Is travel required? A one-hour presentation usually involves more time and effort than one hour. Compare the request with your priorities and goals for the year — does the request assist you in achieving these? If not, it might be one to decline. Sometimes you will have to decline opportunities that you want to do because they aren’t worth the costs involved.

Say no to the request, not the person

It’s important to keep in mind that declining a request or opportunity is not a personal slight against the person requesting it. You can ensure people don’t take your rejection personally by expressing your appreciation for them coming to you — after all, when your time and effort is requested, it is usually because that person thinks you can bring value to their request that others cannot. Express interest and respect for the person and their idea or opportunity, and simply be polite. Be straightforward and concise with your reasons rather than giving lengthy or lightweight reasons that can easily leave room for debate, misinterpretation, permission to ask again, or give the impression that you’re making excuses.

Expect pushiness

Some people don’t give up easily and will request again, even after you’ve politely declined. Permit yourself to be firm about your boundaries. Sometimes turning someone down can make them respect you more — if you draw firm boundaries, others will come to respect those boundaries. You certainly don’t want to set a precedent that you can be won over easily if you are pushed.

Be comfortable with FOMO

Being comfortable with missing out is imperative to being able to say no. We often struggle with saying no because we think that it leads to a missed opportunity — it’s not. Saying no is a tradeoff. While you decline one request, you are simultaneously saying yes to something that you value more. You’re not losing an opportunity, but choosing which is a priority for you.

While it might be hard to turn down invitations or opportunities, being aware of your limits and defining your boundaries is important for your mental and physical health. You can say no and remain an involved, caring, and committed person. Most people are understanding and forgiving if you decline their request, and if they’re not then you don’t want to surround yourself with them anyway! Finally, remind yourself that saying no can be liberating and it is entirely your right to do so.