Speaking Out and Speaking Up: 4 Easy Ways Men Can Challenge Sexism In and Out of the Workplace

A recent global study found that 77% of men believe they are doing all they can to support gender equality, while only 41% of women agree. While most men support gender equality and many are contributing in meaningful ways in interpersonal allyship, few are helping with public allyship or taking further steps to reduce gender discrimination and harassment. This highlights a gap between what men are currently doing and what women need and means men can do more to speak up and speak out against sexism.

Many men shy away from active allyship as it involves confronting others, including other men, for displaying sexism, bias, harassment, and discrimination. However, challenging masculine norms in and out of the workplace is essential. It can be helpful to reframe confrontation as an argumentative act to a more educative act — confrontation brings sexism and gender equality issues to the attention of the offender and challenges them to rethink their words or actions.

So why is it so important that men are active allies for sexism and gender equality?

There are several reasons why, more often than not, men have a greater impact on lasting change when they speak out against sexism and advocate for women.

Firstly, research has found that women who call out inappropriate male behaviour are often evaluated negatively and seen as less competent to men who do the same.

Secondly, observers are more likely to be persuaded when men confront bad behaviour.

Thirdly, confrontation has more impact and is more likely to change attitudes and behaviour when it comes from someone perceived to be similar, such as man-to-man.

Lastly, men often stay silent as they fear they’re the only male in the room who objects to sexist behaviour, even though evidence has shown that a lot of men are offended by it. By overcoming this fear and speaking up, men could be enabling other male allies to find their voices.

Speaking up can feel daunting. So how can you make it easier?

Here are four confrontation strategies you can use in and out of work to make those conversations a little easier.

The two-second rule

The few seconds of silence after a sexist comment is delivered can reinforce the bystander effect if nothing is said. People stay on the sidelines, timid and mute. The solution is simple: just say something! Saying a single word clearly and forcefully, such as “Ouch!” or “Woah!” shatters the bystander effect and gives you a few extra seconds to clearly express why the comment was inappropriate, such as, “That isn’t funny”, “Did you really mean to say that?”, or “Do you call the other guys in the office ‘sweetheart,’ too?”

Own what you say

Too often the concern is attributed to the presence of another woman in the room who might be offended. This implies that the behaviour would be acceptable if there were no women in the room. Own that the behaviour didn’t sit right with you, and use clear I-statements to reinforce that it is inappropriate in any context, regardless of who is present.

Ask thoughtful questions

Asking thoughtful questions can serve to disrupt gender bias and encourage self-reflection, such as “Have you considered that women might experience this differently?” or “How is that idea any different from what Charlotte suggested a few minutes ago?” These questions encourage the offender to consider an alternative perspective.

Make it personal

Sharing personal experiences of how bias or sexism has directly harmed someone close to you can often make others see their behaviour through a different lens. For example, “My sister experienced this at work. It’s unacceptable.” This demonstrates that their behaviour doesn’t have an undesignated target.

Confronting others about their sexist behaviour is not about aggression, humiliation, or shaming. It’s about educating and bringing awareness to the issue in a productive way and creating lasting and meaningful change. There is no one-size-fits-all — some situations call for a private conversation, while others need to be called out more publicly. Allyship isn’t easy — it requires an artful blend of challenge and reinforcement, and requires one to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. But, allyship is important and is needed to bring about long-term change. Using the above strategies, you can be responsible for this change and empower others to do the same.